I Thought Being Sexual Was Anti-Feminist

4 Steps To Take Back Your Sexuality

and Lean Into Your Desires

Without Any Shame

I Thought Being Sexual Was Anti-Feminist

I have been having so much fun writing Free Erotica to fill up the Femme Fiction Fantasy Department for you that I haven't had much time to blog about important issues. Time to get to it!

I used to feel that everything sex related was overtly Masculine and nobody gave a flying fuck about Women and Female Pleasure. How could I buy into anything so patriarchal?

If you feel something is holding you back from exploring your sexuality, fantasies, and desires: this is the blog post for you.

Shame Ruled My Sexuality

A big part of what fueled my fire to start Femme Fiction was my past shame and discomfort around my sexuality. I had so many mixed messages in my head around what being a strong, feminist woman meant in relation to sex and sexuality. This is what I knew:

  • I loathed mainstream pornography and the degrading way Women were portrayed, yet the idea of watching certain things turned me on. (This made me feel shame)
  • I knew that our sexuality was a beautiful Universal gift, but I felt if I did anything that was 'overtly sexualized' I was being anti-feminist, or conforming to the images that mainstream pornography portrayed. (More Shame because sometimes I wanted to explore my sexuality)


Confusing right? In the past I would just ignore all these contradictory feelings and submit to a life of boring missionary sex forever because I was so unsure of what the heck to do.

Why Sexuality and Shame Cannot Co-Exist

In my sexual education growing up with my school and parents (which I realize is MUCH more than many people are exposed to) there was no talk of pleasure whatsoever yet, sex was supposed to be a pleasurable experience. So, to learn more about the topic of pleasureful sex I did what most people do: I turned to the internet.

During my research into sexual pleasure I found what most people find online: Mainstream pornography.

This brought me back to my initial points above: shame, kind of turned on, then confusion about how this simultaneously turned me on and off, not enjoying the way things were depicted, wanting to explore more but not knowing exactly how to without the 'yuck'.

That is A LOT for a young woman to sort through.

Essentially, the lessons I learned online about female pleasure is: pleasurable sex is one sided leaning towards Men, and Female pleasure doesn't actually matter.

And we wonder why so many Women fake orgasms (approximately 60% although more Women than ever report not faking anymore- YAY!). These feelings of confusion, shame, lack of education and communication around sex and female pleasure NEED TO CHANGE if we want to raise a generation of strong, sex positive Women. This change needs to begin with us.

4 Ways To Dig Into Your Sexuality- Shame Free!

Once I decided to no longer let shame and confusion rule the roost, I started to take steps towards exploring my sexuality. Here is what I did:

 

Focus on Self Pleasure

For the first time ever, I decided to have date nights with myself. I wanted to spend that time exploring Erotica, Ethical Adult Films, Sex Toys, and getting to know what I did and did not like in the bedroom. This is an essential part to our sexual development. Learning exactly how we do and do not like to be touch allows us to better guide our partners and understand that there is nothing shameful around pleasure and masturbation.

 

Research, Research, Research

I love the internet and social media. Now, more than ever before, there are people like me who have a strong message and support whatever it is you are looking to learn about. Get out there and connect with those who are carrying a message you love.

 

Sexual Exploration

This is where the fun comes in! Girl, Go Touch Yourself is not only fun hashtag, it is a way of life and taking our bodies back. Release shame, enjoy self pleasure, and fight the patriarchy all in one go!

 

Shame Free Lifestyle

One of the best ways to deal with shame is to let the light shine in on that shit. Shame cannot grow when we begin to release it and this is where the beauty of Social Media and the internet comes in: no matter what you are, or are not into you can find a community of people who are also into the same fantasy/desire/energy/community/vibes -whatever! Remember, you are not alone, and you are perfect as you are.

Getting Over Your Shame: Some Homework

I know for many of us leaning into our sexuality and desires can be really scary. Admittedly, before I began to grow this area of my life I had lots of experieince pushing through fear and personal development both personally and professionally. That being said, here are some of my favourite badass humans you can connect with on Social to increase your fear busting mindset:

  • Brene Brown
  • Michelle Poler
  • and so many #sexpositive people on Instagram- find your niche!

 

Also, to help guide you along in your journey I have created some resources for you to learn and enjoy!

  1. Free Erotic Short Stories delivered to your email inbox.
  2. The super fun and steamy Femme Fiction Fantasy Department: choose your fantasy and begin your exploration!
  3. All The Things I love including Kindle Erotica eBooks, Magazines and more!
  4. and, of course, the Femme Fiction Articles to research by category.

Femme Fiction By Veronica Styles

Femme Fiction By Veronica Styles

Femme Fiction By Veronica Styles is a Female Sex Positivity Movement. Veronica specializes in writing Female Friendly Erotica, and her vision is to create a shame free environment to normalize sexual desire and pleasure for Women. Be sure to join the Femme Fiction Community to get free Erotica for Women sent directly to your inbox, as well as be the first to know about other sex positive resources she releases.

Light A Fire In Your Bedroom, and Girl, Go Touch Yourself! XO V

Get In Touch!

I love book suggestions from my community. Feel free to send ideas over that you would like to see in print. 

Drop your information below to join the Femme Fiction community and receive your bundle of FREE Erotic short stories! You'll be glad you did.

XOXO Veronica Styles

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